stormbot/modules/advice/advice.sh

[ -f functions.sh ] && source functions.sh

advice=(
'If love hurts, move slightly to the left.'
'When in doubt, mumble.'
"Some people are like clouds, when they disappear it's a beautiful day."
"Proof that light travels faster than sound? Some people appear bright until they speak."
'If love hurts, it may be the wrong hole.'
'He who smelt it delbt it.'
'It is better to burp and taste it than to fart and waste it.'
'If your girlfriend or spouce starts smoking, slow down a bit, and try a lubricant.'
"Dogs have things figured out. If you can't eat it or fuck it, then piss on it and walk away."
'Never sweat the petty stuff, but always pet the sweatty stuff.'
'Why do today what you can put off until tomorrow?'
"It is better to be pissed off than pissed on."
"It's called diet because all the other four letter words were taken."
'Friends are like condoms, they protect you when things get hard.'
'Friends are like butt cheeks, when shit separates them they always come back together.'
"There are three kinds of people in this world, those who can count, and those who can't"
"Never judge a man 'til you have walked a mile in his shoes. That way, if he turns out to be an ass hole you have his shoes and are a mile away.")
msg "$2" "$1: $(shuf -n1 -e "${advice[@]}")"